I agree, we need couple’s counseling. You’ve always held it against me that I am the most colorful. When people think “cardinal,” they always think “bright red,” not “deeply drab.” We males are the ones who show up on greeting cards, calendars, and Christmas sweaters. You’ve had a chip on your wing about it all your life.

I’ve always thought that when couples go out, the male should be the one everyone notices. For centuries, this was the case. When the emperor, the king, or, more recently, the president or prime minister appear in public, the throng, and, more recently, the reporters, don’t rush to see and hear the empress, the queen, or the first lady. Whereas fashionistas might zero in on what the women are wearing, the big draw is the men. Whether from a castle balcony or behind a hot mess of microphones, most eyes and all ears are on the men!

If we do find a qualified counselor, he or she might recommend that we consider group counseling. And what would we find there? All the males in the room would be better dressed than the females. It’s just the natural order of how nature is ordered.

Just don’t blame me. I suspect that, if the branches were turned and I had been born the female, I would have stoically resigned myself to the situation and focused on the tasks I had been designed for. If I found I needed more social or creative outlets, I would take up a sport like Competitive Cloud Diving or enroll in a class, such as Ergonomic Nest Building.

But for goodness’ sake, Dear, I wouldn’t spend all my days pouting about the color of my coat.

Just sayin’.

Copyright © 2025 John Arthur Robinson

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